Amidst such deep nostalgia, here I am, penning (actually typing) down the gravest of my thoughts, emotions, & memories in such latish hours of the night. But, as it is well admitted, the nights bring out the best in you when it comes to scripting down all of the day's thoughts, observations, retrospection, & the stricken chords of the heart. This time, when the night is at its darkest best, I find the most suitable to explore what otherwise remains encapsulated in the day's Hubble-bubble. The time when I'm able to discover a nascent but steady bond with the surroundings as well as my inner self. It brings me closer to what I actually am, permeating through the ambiguities & factitiousness of the life we're bound to dwell in.
So, what keeps me up so late tonight ? Is it a fractured heart or an agitated mood ? Well, none of that sort. Yes I do feel an ache in the heart. The ache that arises out of the kind of sorrow I thought would never fall in my kitty. Little did I know that parting ways with the people I barely bonded with all through the past 4 years will be this tormenting. Yes they were not best friends (apart from a few countable ones). Yes they weren't confidants. Yes they were merely a bunch of mates belonging to the same batch as mine. Still, this heart aches. It has rightly been experienced, although someone's presence doesn't affect much of yours, although their activities do not amuse you too much, BUT you still get accustomed to them. The accustoming is such that you develop a habitat nurturing the same people, surroundings, places & things, irrespective of your interaction with any of them. It is the absence that makes you to shake up in anxiety. The explanation to exactly what am experiencing at the moment. Wrapped up with my grads. today "officially". Last day at college, last practical examination, last bus ride to & fro college, and even the very last 'sight' of a few of my batchmates. But today, I'd rather call them 'buddies' instead of batchmates, 'coz that is what soothes me at the moment. An inexplicable affection is what fills my heart today. Maybe it is for those people I've grown up with throughout the past 4 years, maybe for the habitat (my college) that gave me a life changing experience in the past 4 years (which I also do hate in one corner of the heart), or maybe it is for those memories that complete me today & prepare me for what lies ahead. Whatever it is, the ache only grows.. *tears*
So, what keeps me up so late tonight ? Is it a fractured heart or an agitated mood ? Well, none of that sort. Yes I do feel an ache in the heart. The ache that arises out of the kind of sorrow I thought would never fall in my kitty. Little did I know that parting ways with the people I barely bonded with all through the past 4 years will be this tormenting. Yes they were not best friends (apart from a few countable ones). Yes they weren't confidants. Yes they were merely a bunch of mates belonging to the same batch as mine. Still, this heart aches. It has rightly been experienced, although someone's presence doesn't affect much of yours, although their activities do not amuse you too much, BUT you still get accustomed to them. The accustoming is such that you develop a habitat nurturing the same people, surroundings, places & things, irrespective of your interaction with any of them. It is the absence that makes you to shake up in anxiety. The explanation to exactly what am experiencing at the moment. Wrapped up with my grads. today "officially". Last day at college, last practical examination, last bus ride to & fro college, and even the very last 'sight' of a few of my batchmates. But today, I'd rather call them 'buddies' instead of batchmates, 'coz that is what soothes me at the moment. An inexplicable affection is what fills my heart today. Maybe it is for those people I've grown up with throughout the past 4 years, maybe for the habitat (my college) that gave me a life changing experience in the past 4 years (which I also do hate in one corner of the heart), or maybe it is for those memories that complete me today & prepare me for what lies ahead. Whatever it is, the ache only grows.. *tears*
The Life that am finally detaching from is the one I owe a lot to, & at the same time (somewhere) 'do not' want to get rid of. It was a teacher, a preacher, a guide. Lessons unforgettable, memories unimaginable. That's what sums up my journey of PSIT, Kanpur. It all comes to an end today. It all falls apart today. It's an end to now welcome a new phase we all step in. The newness though scares me. Fills me with apprehension. Far away from 'my people', the challenge to set up a new domain & dwell in it is in itself a thought enough to skip a beat or two. But, as well-known, time & tide wait for none. So can't (and won't) I. But there is a challenge I have to face, a hardship to be diplomatically dealt with. I've somewhere sworn upon myself to reincarnate a new being in me, leaving behind the past follies, messes, & the people having actively participated in causing them, right here!
New goals, new priorities, a fresh new outlook.. that's what I take ahead from here. The past only brings memories, and am all set to further create new & most importantly 'better' ones. "The Last Goodbye" only adds on to blossoming a better version of me :)
"There are better things ahead than what we leave behind" -Anonymous.
#AdiosPSIT #LoveYouMyITFamily #CollegeLifeIsPrecious <3
